It’s been a minute since I’ve reviewed a sex toy, let alone a vibrator. To be honest, I had never heard of the FemmeFunn Ultra Bullet Massager until PeepShow Toys offered it to me for a review. At first glance, I can’t help but think that it looks like the nose of a character from Sesame Street or the Muppets. Perhaps it was because of this that I didn’t approach this toy with much enthusiasm. But this turned out to be another experience where I shouldn’t have judged a sex toy by its colors. The FemmeFunn Ultra Bullet Massager is a vibrator that is surprisingly enjoyable, but it is certainly not my favorite.
FemmeFunn Ultra Bullet Massager
|Insertable Length||About 2-4"|
|Power Source||USB Rechargeable|
|Settings||20 (3 speeds, 17 patterns)|
|Special Features||Flexible material & a unique shape|
|Price||$40 (shipping not included)|
|Finishes||Available in purple, pink, and turquoise|
The FemmeFunn Ultra Bullet Massager comes with a USB charging cable and a storage pouch.
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How It Works
As stated before, the FemmeFunn Bullet is powered by a rechargeable battery. The total charge time should take about one hour. The hole in which you insert the charger is located on the side of the on/off button. While the bullet is charging, a pink neon light will turn on and off. When it has fully charged, the pink neon light will stay on.
To turn the FemmeFunn Ultra Bullet Massager on, press and hold the button for a few seconds and the toy will turn on. Press the button once to go through each of the twenty settings.
The first three settings are just speeds.
As usual, the first setting is the lowest speed, the second is in-between, the third is the highest.
Setting 4: An escalation that starts off at a low intensity, then gradually increases.
Setting 5: A series of quick escalations. It starts low, then quickly builds up to a higher intensity.
Setting 6: Three pulses, then a rumble.
Setting 7: This starts off as a slow series of pulses, but the pulses get faster, then slows down again.
Setting 8: A slow series of pulses.
Setting 9: Steady pulses.
Setting 10: A quick set of pulses.
Setting 11: I always compare these types of settings to how motorcyclists will rev up their engines. Imagine that, but the revving is much quicker, starting low then suddenly going down to the lowest intensity.
Setting 12: This setting starts off at a low rumble. The setting then jumps to a higher octave, then another higher octave before jumping back down to the low rumble again.
Setting 13: This is similar to the ninth setting, but the octave jumping happens at a slower pace.
Setting 14: A steady series of pulses (about five of them), followed by quicker pulses, then a series of pulses that feels like a sprinkler is going off.
Setting 15: This one is very similar to the fourteenth setting. However, there are about nine or ten slow pulses before the speed increases.
Setting 16: Similar to the fourteenth setting, but there’s a slower gradual increase in intensity.
Setting 17: Low pulsations that gradually increase in intensity.
Setting 18: A loud, steady rhythm of pulsations.
Setting 19: A low series of pulsations.
Setting 20: Another setting where the vibrations rev up and down in intensity.
After the twentieth setting, you’ll be taken back to the beginning.
If you wish to turn off the bullet, press and hold down the power button for a few seconds until it turns itself off.
- Flexible, good for people who don’t like stiff materials
- Smooth, doesn’t drag on the skin
- One-button control is easy to work with, for the most part
- Has a round tip, nothing sharp
- Very small, easy to carry around
- Doesn’t take too long to charge
- The charging port isn’t finicky, unlike vibes such as the Tango
- When holding down the button to turn it off, the FemmeFunn Bullet will go to the next setting before stopping, which means you’ll have to go through all the rest of the settings to get back to the one you like/were on
- Way too many patterns for my personal taste
- The round, soft tip makes it easy for me to apply pinpoint stimulation to my clit without jabbing other parts of my vulva
- The vibrations are rumbly and powerful
- The flexibility can make it easy to maneuver around the fleshier parts of my vulva
- However, the flexibility can be a struggle; sometimes I’ll press it harder onto my clit, but the shaft will bend away, taking the vibrations with it and muting them
- The only way I can get full pinpoint stimulation is by holding onto the shaft, which can numb my fingers after awhile
Overall OpinionThis definitely exceeded my first impressions. I thought it was going to be a cheap-ass, weak-ass vibrator. Thankfully I was wrong.
However, it’s still not my favorite. I find that for a bullet vibrator, it’s a bit of a pain to work with due to the flexible silicone.
But if you’re looking for inexpensive body-safe sex toys, I would definitely consider checking out the FemmeFunn Ultra Bullet Massager.
Special thanks go to the lovely people at PeepShow Toys, who sent me this product free of charge in exchange for my honest review.
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