Some of y’all have been tripping balls or something. So let me make this clear. Actually, let me make a few things clear, for that matter.
First things first
Just because I tweet about sex toys, THAT DOESN’T MEAN I WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOUR GENITALS.
I originally started blogging because I wanted to learn about my own sexuality and learn from other bloggers.
So while I do consider myself to be one of those humans that loves penises, I DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE WANT TO SEE PICTURES OF YOURS.
Now don’t get me wrong, I know that not all men (or humans with penises in general) like to send unsolicited dick pics to me on Instagram and Twitter.
However, A GOOD NUMBER OF YOU ARE SENDING THEM TO ME, so I feel that my complaints are pretty justified at this point.
I mean, seriously, what the fuck do you wish to accomplish??? Do you want me to give a cookie for having a penis?
Sorry to burst your bubble, but I don’t share cookies, and I certainly don’t share cookies with people who feel that they can get my attention by whipping out their dick. I don’t know how attention-deprived you were in your childhood, but seriously, showing me pictures of your penis probably isn’t the best way to fill up that void in your life.
So if you’re a penis-owner and you haven’t sent me dick pics, then thanks! I super-duper-trooper, totes-magotes appreciate it.
Although frankly, I shouldn’t have to fucking thank you for being a decent human being, but I guess that’s just how things are nowadays.
Also, even if you do ask if you can send me a dick pic, I’m going to say no… because I still don’t want anything to do with your dick.
Now if we’re talking about the issue of let’s say, erectile dysfunction, then sure, I don’t mind talking about your experience with that issue. But I don’t wanna know how big your dick is, or what you wanna do to me with your dick.
Overall: I do not want anything to do with your dick. So don’t ask and CERTAINLY don’t show me.
Second, I’m not here looking to hook-up.
Just because I talk about using sex toys, that does not mean that I am interested in having sex with anybody. So please, for the love of fucking god (or whatever deity you worship), stop sending me messages like:
“hey bby, wanna be FWB???????????????”
“I wanna kiss all ova ur thighs n suk on ur clit”
“I think you have a big body..big pussy.. so u need a bid dildo, right?”
Alright, to be fair, that last one really wasn’t a guy wanting to hook up. I still found it fucking weird that he felt it was okay to inquire about the appearance of my vulva after sending me multiple porn GIFs that I didn’t want to see in the first place.
If I want to see porn, I can do that on my own time, thank you very much.
And I probably should say that this applies to everybody, regardless of their orientation, gender identity, etc.
Third, I DO NOT DO THAT WHOLE FOLLOW-BACK SHIT, SO DON’T ASK.
If I like your content, then sure, I’ll follow you. But no, I’m not a fan of the whole “hey, I followed you so therefore you’re obligated to follow me back” bullshit logic. I appreciate it when people do follow me, but follow me because you like my work, not because you want to increase the number of followers you have on your own account.
Also, I am not obligated to do, well, anything.
I’m not saying that you’re a horrible person if you ask me for a follow-back, but I feel that doing that just to get more followers is such an artificial way to gain an audience. By all means, if you want to gain more followers by doing that, then who fucking cares what I think about it? I just won’t partake in it.
NO, I’M NOT GONNA POST PICTURES OF ME USING SEX TOYS.
I know that 99.9% of the time people ask me this, they just want me to give them free porn.
And you know what? If you’re gonna start requesting pictures of me actually using the toy, FUCKING PAY ME!
You wanna know why? Sex bloggers go above and beyond out of the kindness of their hearts to give you all full in-depth reviews so that you can make the best decisions with your money. And chances are, reviewing sex toys is BARELY making us any money.
And believe me, this is an expensive ass thing to do.
Sure, I don’t blog just to get money. But because I make so little enough as it is I feel that it is absolutely disrespectful to my work to ask for pictures of the toy while it’s inside my body.
Besides, IT DOES NOTHING FOR HOW THE TOY ACTUALLY FEELS. So why the fuck would you need to know what it looks like inside me? Sure, the appearance of the toy itself can be important to some people. I understand that.
But it’s not as if the toy changes it’s appearance as I put it up my ass or vagina. So again, I still don’t understand the purpose of posting those types of pictures when they serve NO FUCKING PURPOSE AT ALL FOR THE REVIEW.
This is how I know that 99.9% of the time they really just want free naked pictures to jerk off to. Which hey, there’s nothing wrong with jerking off to naked pictures.
But if you want those kinds of pictures, THEN FUCKING PAY ME.
This makes me so angry because I feel that this question is so fucking disrespectful. It’s disrespectful to the time I take to make sure I can illustrate each experience with each toy. It absolutely disregards the effort my host and I put into this site to make sure it looks its absolute best.
If you want pictures of me actually using the toy, either fucking pay me or go somewhere else.
So yeah, this is probably the sauciest post I’ve written so far.
Don’t get me wrong, I like interacting with people on social media. I love getting to read about other people’s experience with sex and sex toys.
But what pisses me off is when people assume that they can talk however they want to me just because of the topics I like to discuss. I find sex fascinating, I think it’s fun.
However, this blog doesn’t make up everything I am.
What I mean is that while I do think I am a sexual person, I am not always looking for sex. I am a human being who is just looking to form emotional connections with other people. I am a human being who is looking to learn more about herself and the world around her.
Being a sex blogger is only one part of my life. It does not make up the majority of who I am as a person.
So in the end, if you want to talk about sex toys or sex in general, feel free to stop by and say hello. All I ask is that you treat me like a human being.
If you’re one of those douchebags who feels that they’re entitled to me and my time, please do us both a favor and fuck off.
This full-length, bitchy PSA has been brought to you by me and my resting bitch-face.